Fragile

I can't afford to be disappointed,
no answer
and I'm pulled through the cracks
of that sofa.

I can't afford to imagine what I don't know,
my hands clench the sides of my bed
and my pelvis spasms
to the shock of your physical deterioration.

I can't afford to listen to that song,
"When they ask me what pulled me through
I'll say it was you,"
the tears cannot keep up with the truth.

I can't afford to see your name,
'just look away'
and I can continue to step forward,
just missing the impact of a train.

I can't afford to think of your seasons of hair,
just waiting,
I shall wait forever to see the seasons pass
while the "world spins madly on."

I can't afford to see new pictures,
I then near the end,
the residue from your footprints
rises into air faster than my control.

I can't afford to see your face on that oval,
smell those dead flowers,
or read your devastating words,
so it remains tucked away in that drawer
where I keep the last chapter of your life.