Drowning

I cannot breathe
I do not want to breathe
I am alone
and I can't bare the light

I avoid sleeping
because it is real
it is a normal routine
that if with you
I would be wonderful at

I have that song repeating
drowning me further down
but I can't shut it off
it draws me nearer

I cannot try normal
I don't know how
when you have left
this world to rest

I want rest
I want peace
I want you
to call my home

I don't want this stress
I don't want chaos
or worrying how I feel
or how others feel about me

I spent years in paranoia
found you to cure the weakness
and now have lost you
to sadness

Enough to make another person sad
for a lifetime
not knowing where to go
or how to love

You are gone
and honestly I can't handle
I told you I had to let go
but I still cannot

I remember crippling
in the arms of my sister
saying "I can't do this"
when you were here
and I was there

So how can I attempt
at this whirlwind life
when I get thrown more
atop what I couldn't accept
before you chose to end
this whirlwind life