sometimes i feel like a nut

i am wrong for wanting more,

i don't deserve a piece of love,

a piece of something better out there.

you are gone and i had my chance,

no other person can take your place

or remind me more of you,

than you.

i am at fault for letting you die,

i did not speak a word

or wish to revive you once more,

i was too tired to speak

and too frustrated with your plea.

you came in you came out,

just as you would please,

you had control over my heart

and still string it together like wool.

i am glad you died,

for i can breathe without knowing you're happy,

that you could be happy without me,

that my self, my body could not save a wreck like you.

we had something at some point,

something that made me feel like a child,

something that sometimes made me feel like a parent,

scolding you to live as an adult,

but you had other plans.

you were going to leave me either way,

so a shock i cannot do,

a person coming and going as they want,

just as you did to me.

i cannot take another soul

choosing the life span of our relationship.

i want control,

i have control of your death,

i did not speak of your poison

or wish to end it all.

for some reason i gained relief,

because i did not want to walk this earth

without you chained around my feet.

we were poison for each other,

bleeding to try and try

make it work

or give in and die.

you gave in and i chose to live,

but now i'm stuck in a prison

where i can never win.