Over

I keep searching for an answer that never comes,

Wishing for the pain to subside

And this wonder a mere phase.

But I leech and grasp onto the limb,

It keeps breaking and I collapse,

Hitting bottom everytime.

I expect to be picked up,

But nobody comes

And I’m left to pick up the branches again.

Learning all over again

How to trace the lines back to me.

My self should suffice,

But it seems ever time I find a crack,

I plummet to the opening,

Chase after a dream,

And quickly realize that the land will not hold.

So I have to brush off the bruises

Or give in to the blues,

I’ll just push through the leaves

And sprawl out for now,

Maybe I’ll find peace in the air tonight.

Never, ever land

just use me and throw me to the side,

play my skin like you can't lose

or need to return to my bed.

let it come as natural passion does,

so that no thought enters

about real life or what we might encounter.

we could just have tonight,

passion building with fire,

rage in my loins

playing out their storyline

where you and i have friction.

it isn't so bad once you think about it,

it can just be for tonight,

just please give in,

don't think of life and all realities,

we only live just once right?

you know my lips tempt yours,

and our minds conjoin with thoughts.

just mend those thoughts into forefront,

make it a turning point for our bond,

a new beginning for our confidence,

a way that i can move on

and you can dream on.

Come on.

i am a lesbian without cause,

bleeding for a affection

wherever i can get the attention.

i don't know who i am

so what does it matter if i stray,

stray, and stray further from who i am.

i don't care too much about looks

or thoughts that make some quiver,

i just want a kiss

and for them to mean it without cost.

why can i not receive

without thinking intricately about the next step,

the next moment where they leave me and i stay here?

won't somebody please just give me confidence,

just one ounce so i can get by?

i wish to get by until i can breathe,

until i know who i am again,

and no longer question my sexuality

because i merely desire passion.

so won't you be my medicaiton for now,

come play with me

and let loose of all inhibitions

while playing the strings on my harp

and listening to the music that creates

from unthought-of actions

that only play out so vividly in my dreams.

sometimes i feel like a nut

i am wrong for wanting more,

i don't deserve a piece of love,

a piece of something better out there.

you are gone and i had my chance,

no other person can take your place

or remind me more of you,

than you.

i am at fault for letting you die,

i did not speak a word

or wish to revive you once more,

i was too tired to speak

and too frustrated with your plea.

you came in you came out,

just as you would please,

you had control over my heart

and still string it together like wool.

i am glad you died,

for i can breathe without knowing you're happy,

that you could be happy without me,

that my self, my body could not save a wreck like you.

we had something at some point,

something that made me feel like a child,

something that sometimes made me feel like a parent,

scolding you to live as an adult,

but you had other plans.

you were going to leave me either way,

so a shock i cannot do,

a person coming and going as they want,

just as you did to me.

i cannot take another soul

choosing the life span of our relationship.

i want control,

i have control of your death,

i did not speak of your poison

or wish to end it all.

for some reason i gained relief,

because i did not want to walk this earth

without you chained around my feet.

we were poison for each other,

bleeding to try and try

make it work

or give in and die.

you gave in and i chose to live,

but now i'm stuck in a prison

where i can never win.