Just Me.

An end is near,
But I don't know if I can muster a tear.
So many emotions running,
I'm sick of all the worrying.
I now realize the need for peace,
And you can't provide that piece.
I've been living an unfinished puzzle,
Ready to for anything to juggle.
But it's not any other hand,
It's on me to somehow land.
I've got two solid feet,
And you can't be my fleet.
No more will you be the beacon,
For a short while you were the deacon.
Instructing and chanting for recovery,
But the true voice is within my own discovery.

Help for the Hopeless

This skin is bearing a crown,
Posture upright and tight,
Ready to conquer any fight.

Give in to the fight,
Protrude the chest
You'll figure out the rest.

The rest is yet to come,
It will no longer be yesterday,
And sorrow can no longer stay.

Sturdy and ready to say,
It is time to be selfish,
And make others jealous.

Others envy this strength
I have lying underneath my breastbone,
I'm going to rip my rib cage open.

The heart is pumping rapidly,
Amidst the peaceful flutter,
I crave life with no stutter.

Now is today,
I did not end this life of mine,
I just wasted some time.

Took me some falls
To see that I can stitch the pain,
Mend it back up for the rain.

Instead I can bask in the storm,
Revel in its nature to reveal
That nobody is alone
And everybody can heal.

Set Sail

This peace is a devilish stranger,
but it has delivered tonight an embrace,
a pleasure that I get from knowing
that you have lost grip to this face.
I am now and forever will be me,
no more captive to your flaws,
no more a basket case running,
on the floor crawling.
I am special,
I can now agree with others,
beautiful with much to offer,
to another man,
to this painted plain,
to my future in your hands.
Spiritual was never my backbone,
but I give this sorrow away,
ready for you to grace my life,
and start listening to what you have to say.
I am meant to be happy,
I have a life to begin,
now is the only time to try,
because I do not want to die.
I thought about it in days past,
but where would that leave me,
or any ingredient of my soul,
nowhere,
a place I no longer want to see.
I will not sink any further,
all these souls are trying to reach out,
trying to save me if I fail,
but they can stop trying,
i've got a hold of the sail.

Still hanging on.

I hate myself for taking me here again,

Between a place where others thrive

And I no longer begin.

When will I find the time for myself,

Now is all I’ve got

Because I’m nearing the spot.

Where I no longer exist

And my legacy

Will be all that’s left.

But do I have one?

I must be blind

Because I think I do.

I need to stop the pity,

Stop the need to cry

And filter out the run.

I need to stop running,

Away from everything in sight

Away from everything that could be good.

You put the sour in my mouth

And into my life,

But I can’t blame you forever.

I have a family at my face,

Friends near and far,

But my self is no where to be found.

I am long gone

With your soul in the ground,

I must dig it back up again.

Back up to the ground,

The soil at my feet,

The breeze at my lips.

Dance in the rain,

Roll in the grass,

Love to love.

Now is for me,

Once again,

But thankfully so,

Or I was about to lose it all again.

Alone or Not

Some might say that my mouth indulges a bit,
that the liquid graces my tongue and I am able to lose grip;
I may not know what brought me here
nor do I care what's in the mirror.

I may have a problem,
ever since you went away,
ever since you chose to decay,
I put myself in a jar with no room to stay.

I haven't done a whole lot I can brag upon,
nor have I accomplished much to lean upon,
but I am still here;
what is the alternative,
for me to leave without a tear?

No,
I will not cop out for the cracks in my heart,
I will not leap to escape the hollow parts,
this is who I am now,
and there is no way else to start.

I have fallen in drunken stuper,
called random names to a dear friend,
acted like a bafoon for affection,
and injured myself for merely attention.

though my mind may have not bled out, "see me!"
I pranced around as though you owed me,
through the eyes of the living;
you were scolded and the ones I love
who choose life,
are now in regret for calling my strife.

Its okay though,
I am still alive with pills
but ready to conquer without them;
I would rather they not mutate,
pull me in to abolish all progress
and dictate whether I will digress.

I'm not bleeding anymore
and I'm not calling out your name,
I can withstand the night without you,
Its what I do.

The mess you created,
trickled down to me,
in my pocession,
I ransacked my life,
and gave you all rights to flee.

Taking over the rumble,
I gladly obliged,
its what I did when you were alive,
only makes sense
to do it when you died.

Who cares about my imbalance of perfections,
there isn't a love to judge,
only the ones I can no longer love,
for all have bowed out,
too careless to seek my hunger out.

Pretty sad to say,
but bearable enough to ponder,
that your death got the best of me,
influenced a frenzy upon my circle,
to abandon any miracle.

That you killing yourself in my ears,
would take time for me to realize,
that  you are just gone,
and I would someday rid the poison
calling me to death,
by taking in another breath.

Quiet all voices

I look for reassurance from every open eye,
whipping my mind deciphering their brain,
rendering me helpless on a one way train.

Its time to jump off by a nearby shore,
search for what calms me,
not what makes me bleed.

I will patch up the wounds
and get out of town if its time,
its time for a new rhyme.

Writing for you has been your chain,
connecting me to your death
and blocking every deep breath.

I can inhale now despite my enemies,
ones that have crept up from the grave
or ones that shun if I misbehave.

But the most unnerving leach of all,
remains in this soul of mine
that has simply lost time.

Over

I keep searching for an answer that never comes,

Wishing for the pain to subside

And this wonder a mere phase.

But I leech and grasp onto the limb,

It keeps breaking and I collapse,

Hitting bottom everytime.

I expect to be picked up,

But nobody comes

And I’m left to pick up the branches again.

Learning all over again

How to trace the lines back to me.

My self should suffice,

But it seems ever time I find a crack,

I plummet to the opening,

Chase after a dream,

And quickly realize that the land will not hold.

So I have to brush off the bruises

Or give in to the blues,

I’ll just push through the leaves

And sprawl out for now,

Maybe I’ll find peace in the air tonight.