"You have stolen my heart"

I cannot speak of anyone else,
you never vacate my mind
or leave the shelf.

I want you to be around,
I keep you around,
I cannot bear you beneath ground.

So your frame stays,
your memories continue to flood
and I breathe you in my blood.

Will I ever be able to admit?
You are forever gone,
left me feeling wrong.

I got used to the pain,
bled for a chance to heal
a chance to retrieve what was real.

But was it ever real?
I sit here abandoned
feeling rationed.

You will never step foot
on my mat in prediction
for you have ultimately left
leaving me bare hope as a theft.

Block Out

I awake curling up to absence
Nestling against a piece of fur
Intentionally substituting your cocoon.

Salt burrows out from the lids
Forming an ocean matching the sheets
Conveying a shivering presence.

I bleed to find that divot
Searching ever crevice
I find a vast empty surface.

Silence prevails
Crippling a cycling solemn show
Engulfing the debris of bones.

Mental Exhaustion

I would rather sit in silence
after realizing where I am.

Alone in my car at 11:31 pm
in a dark parking lot.

Waiting to breathe
Hoping to lift a muscle.

Sometimes a mere voice
is too much noise.

- - -

I venture to bed at 5:22 pm
clenching that teddy bear.

I visualize that night
that circle of warm arms.

I cannot see through the fog
you are not there.

Squinting I see a box
containing an end.

I see remnants of your face
I taste my kiss upon your hand.

I fall again for the thought
I cannot enclose in my mind.

Fidgeting for fear of the truth
I resume my sleep torture.

- - -

Awake to a phone call
I am used to yearning.

Hit ignore
It is what I do best.

I dream of warm pasta
while sprawled out on the couch.

One glimmer within a second
I rise.

Create a dinner
and return to the couch with no surprise.

Never wanna open my eyes

Knuckles locked at each angle
Nails protruding for grip
Palms sweaty in anticipation
Awaiting to weave around your shoulders.

Sternum strongly perked
Breasts wavering
Thyroid contracting
Beating rapidly for touch.

Stomach shaking to your graze
Back numb to the heated muscle in your palm
Neck blood pumping from the sponge on your face

Hair gripped
Toes erect
Eyes close
Foreheads collide
Strong inhale
Bodies aligned

A Stranger

I can be the only one.
I can save myself
or let me go.

I am brutally trapped.
Between your world
and mine I try to create.

I endure the cycle.
Repeating the pain
who could ever tell.

I am all alone.
My head gets heavy
again it burdens guilt.

Anxiety turns numb.
Numb rips away care.
Care begins to bleed within.
Within her body she breaks.
Broken to the world.
The world sounds quiet.
Quiet until the sun rises.
The sun rises to reveal normalcy.
Normal lives endure.
Enduring is now last on her mind.
Her mind speaks of regret.
Regret plummets her to a hole so deep.
Deeper she submerges below surface.
The surface shows reminiscence of once was.
Was she ever going to let herself rise?

Torture

The dead skin piles chin high
too much rough pink to go around.
Wishing it were smooth as infant calm
but it remains jagged with each stuttered step.

The eyes droop dragging on the floor
lazy as a howling hound.
Hoping they might lift the next second
but hours pass while a zombie wishes.

The blemishes stain red
seeping through to the surface.
Dreaming of a day when they blend
into complexion of an absorbed sunny day.

The windpipe chokes on acid
savoring the poison it chases.
Searching for something to quench evil
bubbling at the bottom of guilt.

The heart fears abandonment
but it is already alone.
Leeching onto any hand with blood
yet refusing any thing with life.

The mind is heavy and numb
bearing all pain it can possibly muster.

losing flight

the crack is closing up
gradually leaving no space for myself to breathe
when will I decide that enough is enough
but there is a glimmer of light still
isn't that enough
not during those moments when the crack eases together
breaking all structure binding to its roots
the pain becomes overwhelming
and the bark breaks as the trunk caves in
leaving less and less room for light to shine through