Some might say that my mouth indulges a bit,
that the liquid graces my tongue and I am able to lose grip;
I may not know what brought me here
nor do I care what's in the mirror.
I may have a problem,
ever since you went away,
ever since you chose to decay,
I put myself in a jar with no room to stay.
I haven't done a whole lot I can brag upon,
nor have I accomplished much to lean upon,
but I am still here;
what is the alternative,
for me to leave without a tear?
No,
I will not cop out for the cracks in my heart,
I will not leap to escape the hollow parts,
this is who I am now,
and there is no way else to start.
I have fallen in drunken stuper,
called random names to a dear friend,
acted like a bafoon for affection,
and injured myself for merely attention.
though my mind may have not bled out, "see me!"
I pranced around as though you owed me,
through the eyes of the living;
you were scolded and the ones I love
who choose life,
are now in regret for calling my strife.
Its okay though,
I am still alive with pills
but ready to conquer without them;
I would rather they not mutate,
pull me in to abolish all progress
and dictate whether I will digress.
I'm not bleeding anymore
and I'm not calling out your name,
I can withstand the night without you,
Its what I do.
The mess you created,
trickled down to me,
in my pocession,
I ransacked my life,
and gave you all rights to flee.
Taking over the rumble,
I gladly obliged,
its what I did when you were alive,
only makes sense
to do it when you died.
Who cares about my imbalance of perfections,
there isn't a love to judge,
only the ones I can no longer love,
for all have bowed out,
too careless to seek my hunger out.
Pretty sad to say,
but bearable enough to ponder,
that your death got the best of me,
influenced a frenzy upon my circle,
to abandon any miracle.
That you killing yourself in my ears,
would take time for me to realize,
that you are just gone,
and I would someday rid the poison
calling me to death,
by taking in another breath.
